If you’re playing as a heavyweight, take a shot.
If it’s Morton, take another shot.
If you’re racing on any track from the latest DLC pack, take a shot.
If you’re racing on any N64 track, take a shot.
If you’re racing on any form of Rainbow Road, take a shot.
If you screw up the start boost and your engine blows up, take a shot.
If you trail your banana, shell, etc. behind your vehicle out of instinct as you’re approaching another item box, and crying a little bit on the inside, because deep down you wish so much that you could carry two different items at once, like how it was with games before MK8 came around, take a shot.
Count the number of coins you get from item boxes during a race. For every ten coin items you get, take a shot.
Or just skip this one, if you actually want to live. Seriously.
If you go for any coins that are on the OUTSIDE of a curve, take a shot.
If you run into a banana because it looked like a coin from far away, take a shot.
If a single hit from anything drops you at least 6 places down, take a shot.
If you get hit by anything right at a gap jump or gliding section and you to fall into the abyss, take a shot.
If you get hit by anything when you're a short length away from the finish line, take a shot.
If you fall into a pit and Lakitu puts you back where you started rather than on the other side, like a MORON, take a shot.
If getting hit by any item causes you to miss a booster pad, take a shot.
If you use a mushroom right after getting hit by anything, take a shot.
If you quickly get rid of your mushrooms right before you pass by another set of boxes so you can hopefully grab an item that actually does something, take a shot.
If you miss getting an item box, take a shot.
Anytime you get a Super Horn and you’re NOT in first, take a shot.
When you get a Super Horn AFTER getting creamed by a blue shell, take a shot.
If your piranha plant doesn’t help you to pass anyone AT ALL, take a shot.
If you have a Crazy 8 and the first thing you use is the star or red shell, take a shot.
If another racer steals the star from your Crazy 8, take a shot.
If your fire flower hits absolutely no one, take a shot.
When you get hit by a green shell that someone threw from two laps ago, take a shot.
Whenever a buttload of shells and at least one boomerang are in the same room together, take a shot.
When your red shell commits suicide by running into a wall, a sitting banana, or something stupid like that which never happens with COMs, take a shot.
If someone’s blooper ink actually does make you screw up for once, then you’ve been playing this drinking game WAY too long. Also, take a shot.
Anytime the racer in front of and/or behind you gets the exact same item as you do, take a shot.
When a racer in front of you gets a drastically better item than you, take a shot.
If lightning strikes as you are using a mushroom shortcut, or are about to, take a shot.
If lightning strikes while you have a shell, and the shell decides to hop in front of your path, causing you to tumble right after your spinout, take a shot.
Anytime you get triple reds and then get blown up by a bomb or fire flower or struck by lightning very soon after, bottom line being the thing is totally wasted, take a shot.
Anytime you put a banana on the edge of a ramp, take a shot.
Anytime you put a banana in a tight space, take a shot.
Anytime you put a banana on the inside of a curve, take a shot.
Anytime you put a banana next to another banana, take a shot.
Anytime you go for a whole lap or two with nothing but a single banana, take a shot.
When a bullet bill is being followed by another bullet bill, take a shot.
If you get a lightning and you hold on to it for any longer than 2 seconds under any circumstances, take a shot.
If you lose your lightning after getting struck by someone else’s lightning (Really, that actually happens! NO ONE IS SAFE!!), take a shot.
If you run into a shell, as opposed to one running into you, take a shot.
If you have a red shell or three and any racer SLAMS ON THE BRAKES to let you pass so that you’ll go off to slaughter someone else instead of them, take a shot.
If you have a star or bullet bill and you look at the gamepad to see if anyone has a lightning, take a shot.
If you’re close to last place and all the game gives you is a mushroom or banana, take a shot.
If it’s coins, take another shot. Or hang yourself. That works too.
If a blue shell comes for you at the VERY SECOND you get in first, take a shot.
If you get caught in another racer’s kamikaze blue shell explosion, take a shot.
If you get hit by a red shell right after a blue shell, take a shot.
If you get hit by a blue or red shell right after a lightning, take a shot.
If the blue shell hits you when you’re clearly NOT in first, take a shot.
If another racer gets triple red shells, hits you, stops to hit you again, stays to hit you one more time, and drives off with a bullet bill on the next item box, might as well down the whole bottle. Then break the bottle. Then find out where the f***er lives, break into their house, stab them to death with the shards of the broken bottle, and use the parts of the corpse to make red shells of your own. Also, take a shot.
If you wait for the time between races to take shots, take a shot.